As dementia patients continue to lose their memory and their ability to do things, they become increasingly dependent on family members or friends who have no idea what this caregiver role may involve.
Caregivers have to provide suitable care to the dementia patient and make required adjustments in their lives
What caregivers can do: Get ready for the caregiver role by understanding the work it will require, the skills that will be needed, and the amount of time and energy it will need. Understand how they may have to change other aspect of their lives to fit in the caregiving work.
On this page:
Dementia caregiver’s profile and effort involved
Caregiving for a dementia patient is very different from the caregiving for patients with other chronic conditions, because the patients do not understand their situation, are difficult to communicate with, are often unable to cooperate with the caregiver, and exhibit challenging behaviour, such as aggression and harming themselves and others. A good overview of how dementia caregiving is different from other caregiving (such as, in terms of activities and time required and the impact on caregivers) is available in the 2010 Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures.
Normally, caregivers for dementia patients are family members: son, daughter, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, sibling, or spouse. Sometimes, caregivers are friends. There are also paid caregivers, and institutions that take care of dementia patients.
The Dementia India Report 2010 recognizes that, in India, families are the main caregivers and they need support. Dr. Jacob Roy, in his foreword, states:
It is estimated that the cost of taking care of a person with dementia is about Rs. 43000 annually; most of which is met by the families.
The effort required in caregiving is substantial.
According to the 2010 Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures, the number of dementia patients in the US in 2009 was 5.3 million. An estimated 10.9 million family members and friends provided unpaid care for a person with Alzheimer’s disease or another dementia. They provided an estimated 12.5 billion hours of care, an average of 21.9 hours of care per caregiver per week, or 1,139 hours of care per caregiver per year. The estimated economic value of the care provided by family and other unpaid caregivers was $144 billion.
Preparing for the caregiving role.
Caregiving for dementia patients poses special difficulties because patients decline cognitively and become increasingly dependent, making the caregiver’s role critical in their care. Care for dementia patients usually stretches over several years, and caregivers need to make major adjustments in their life to perform this work. They also find it heart-breaking to watch the patient lose memories and ability to do things over the years.
Given the long-drawn and intense nature of caregiving for a dementia patient, we need to prepare for this role if we want to handle it effectively and without getting burnt-out with stress. Our lives are already a delicate balance of several roles. We are professionals, home makers, spouses, parents, children, volunteers in community activities, enthusiastic sportspersons, and artists–all these aspects of our personality take up our time and energy. To integrate caregiving into our life, we need a realistic idea of the time, energy and money required for this, and then adjust our other commitments and expectations to fit in. Typically, the changes required are significant.
To prepare for the role, we need to understand about the disease and about caregiving. We have to plan for caregiving and identify what to learn. The most stressful part of dementia care is the emotional impact on the caregiver; therefore, we must understand this aspect of caregiving and be ready for it.
Understand the disease causing the dementia. To effectively interact with doctors for the treatment of the patient, we need to know about the disease and the available medicines. Treatments of irreversible dementias are still not very effective; they are typically used in early stages, can have side-effects, and do not work for everyone. We need to understand the trade-offs so that we can participate in the decision making regarding treatment. We need to understand the possible adverse symptoms and emergencies to be alert for.
We also need to understand the expected progression of the disease so as to plan for it. (See: Diseases that cause dementia and Stages of dementia)
Understand how dementia affects the patient. Dementia changes the way patients interact with their surroundings. Uninformed caregivers may consider patients stubborn and hurtful because we do not understand what patients are undergoing and why they seem uncooperative or react in apparently in aggressive or withdrawn ways. Often, caregivers get upset and stressed, and their emotional response starts a downward spiral in interactions with the patients who sense the caregiver’s response but do not understand it. Caregiver education about the behaviour of dementia patients is an essential component for effective care. (See: How dementia impacts behaviour)
Plan for caregiving. We need to plan how we will handle the patient in the current state, while also anticipating how we will continue to provide care as dementia worsens. Caregivers need to remember to pace themselves for providing long-term care that may span several years. Caregiving becomes more intense as dementia worsens, and if we burn out because we do things at an unsustainable pace in the beginning, we will not be physically and emotionally in a position to care for the patient when the patient needs us most.
Planning for caregiving includes redesigning life to incorporate our caregiving responsibilities. Dementia patients cannot be left alone because they tend to harm themselves and cannot perform even simple activities by themselves, so we need to ensure availability of someone with the patient. This could mean employing help (full-time, or at least for the day hours when we have to go for work). Or we may need to use day care services. We may need to shift to jobs that allow flexi-time. Travel needs to be reduced and work-from-home packages may be evaluated. If we are confined to the house most of the time, we also need to plan better for outside activities like bank visits, ATM withdrawals, and shopping for groceries and vegetables. Socializing and vacations could become difficult.
Planning also includes setting up systems to support us in our caregiving. It helps to mentally run through scenarios of possible problems so as to decide what to plan for. For example, a first aid box at home is a must. We should have ready access to important phone numbers, such as the numbers of ambulance services, doctors who do home visits, home nursing agencies, chemists who deliver drugs at home, and relatives and friends we can contact when we face a problem. We must plan as to how we will transport the patient to clinics/ hospitals for checkups and emergencies, and also be ready for emergencies. An important aspect for dementia patients is that they often find it intimidating to visit hospitals and clinics. Confused by questions posed by doctors, they give incomplete, wrong, and contradictory answers. Caregivers need to interact with doctors who don’t know how to handle dementia patients and may believe the wrong data given by the confused patients. Having a good set of doctors who know the case history and the patient is very helpful, as is availing home nursing services to save patients the trauma of hospital visits to the extent possible.
We also need to examine changes to be made in the home, because dementia patients can get confused and intimidating by their surroundings, and some such changes can reduce patient confusion and anxiety. This becomes more difficult if we live in a small house, and there are many members in the family.
While planning, we must involve other stakeholders, such as siblings, children, other family and friends, even if they live as a distance. Planning should ideally be a family activity, with everyone understanding dementia and caregiving, and jointly evolving a way to share the work and the financial impact. Agreement is also desirable on handling the advanced stages of dementia, because patients cannot understand their situation or decide between options, and this phase often requires difficult decisions on things like aggressive treatments and tube feeding.
Learn caregiving skills. Care for the patients involves physical support for various activities, as well as handling emotionally upset patients. Caregivers need to learn how to communicate with the patients, and how to provide the required help for daily activities while also helping the patient to remain independent to the extent possible. Often, patients behave in ways that can harm them or people around them–they may get aggressive, or tend to wander, or say hurtful things, or neglect themselves. Caregivers need to know how to handle challenging behaviour, or they will be stressed and the situation will deteriorate.
Caregivers need skills appropriate for the relevant stage of dementia. For example, for the late stage, when patients are bed-ridden, we need to learn home nursing skills such as how to change a soiled sheet or recognize and prevent pressure sores.
The caregiving skills required for dementia patients are extensive because we have to handle the physical part of caring as well as deal with a patient who cannot understand us or cooperate with us. It is helpful to consult support groups, other caregivers, and doctors to understand which topics are relevant, and to get the required information. We can also read books and watch training videos. (See: Caregiver Essential Toolkit)
Understand the physical exhaustion involved. Looking after a dependent but uncooperative (because he/ she does not understand) patient is often physically extremely tiring. It has been likened to a 36-hour job. Many caregivers are surprised at how very tired they get. If physically unfit ourselves, we need to take this into account while deciding between care options.
Be prepared for social isolation and embarrassments. Dementia patients forget things. They may forget, for example, that they have eaten their food. Patients get suspicious and paranoid because they forget where they have placed things, misremember facts, or misinterpret what they have heard. They may therefore complain to others that the caregivers are starving them or torturing them. They may even accuse caregivers of stealing their money/ property, or even poisoning them. This is embarrassing and hurtful.
Sometimes others may say something insensitive, or complain, criticize, or blame. Even close family members may make hurtful remarks because they feel neglected or suspect that we are overreacting to the situation and exaggerating the problems.
As awareness of dementia and its impact on behaviour is poor in India, we have to spread awareness of the patient’s condition within the family, and with neighbours and acquaintances. It is best to use authoritative literature for this, as people may not believe what we tell them, assuming we are hiding our misdeeds and neglect. When criticized, we can try to explain the situation calmly, or excuse ourselves and walk away instead of exploding, because that always makes everyone feel worse. Making others assist us in some activities may also sensitize them to extent of caregiving.
Recognize the emotional demands of caregiving. Caregivers for dementia patients see the patients lose their memories to a point where patients no longer remember the shared past, and over time stop recognizing the caregivers. The patients, unable to comprehend the nature of dementia, are often resentful of the caregiver instead of being appreciative. They are frustrated by their inabilities, and often withdraw or get agitated. All these can be heart-wrenching for caregivers.
The discouraging, even heart-wrenching thing about the dementia and Alzheimer patients is that you never know; you have no clue about their emotion – whether they are able to place and connect you. An indecipherable smile, a momentary sign of recognition, a faint touch of his/her hand on your face are the only the incentives you get to keep you going. But the frequency of such gestures goes on diminishing with time.
I experienced this in case of my mother till she was completely disoriented about space, time, and persons.
Sanjaya, caregiver
As the patient’s condition gets progressively worse despite our efforts, our emotions may range from guilt, helplessness and sorrow, to resentment, anger, and frustration. We are emotionally affected if we love the patient, because of our sense of helplessness and loss. Even if we are not emotionally attached to the patient, we get affected seeing the impact of the illness. Sometimes, we may have unresolved issues with the patient, and this creates resentment when we need to keep adjusting our lives to care for this person. We must understand that this is normal for caregivers, and not blame ourselves for these feelings.
We will experience good days and bad. On some days, we find caregiving fulfilling because the patient shows improvement, or he/ she smiles at us. On other days, the patient worsens, or is cranky and blames us or complains to others or gets agitated, and life seems just so pointless. We have been working very hard, and this discourages us. What we must remember is: a patient feeling worse on some days is not our fault; it is the nature of the disease. (See: Caregiver emotions and stress)
Use support groups and various facilities available. Caregivers, busy with fatiguing work, often get socially isolated and feel they have nothing in common with old friends. Support groups are very effective in reducing loneliness, as are online communities. To reduce our overwhelm, we must consider employing attendants and home nurses, availing day care facilities, or taking a vacation by using respite care. If balancing caregiving with our other roles proves impossible, we can consider options like moving the patient to a long-term care facility or hospice. Counselors can discuss the pros and cons for such steps.
Nurture oneself. Fatigued caregivers often neglect their own health and well-being, and suffer from episodes of caregiver stress. But in order to take good care of the patient, we must remain healthy and cheerful ourselves. For this, we must take time to indulge in whatever relaxes us: walks, music, a good book, painting, maybe an outing with a friend. We must eat nutritious food and remain physically active. Yoga and meditation also contribute to health and well-being. Even so, some days are especially stressful, and we must recognize when we are feeling stressed so that we can call for help in time. A stressed caregiver cannot handle a demenia patient because the patient senses and responds to the tension, and the situation worsens. Given the long stretch that caregiving for dementia involves, taking care of ourselves is very necessary. (See: Caregiver emotions and stress)
On a final note. For every caregiver, the journey of caregiving is unique and personal, and everyone handles it differently. However, dementia caregiving involves entire families, and if done with love and compassion, can bind the family and strengthen the values the children inculcate.
It is possible to adjust to caregiving and find our pace and balance. It may not seem possible in the beginning, but caregiving can also have some very beautiful moments, and if we plan and adjust to the role, we may find that caregiving adds a meaning to life in a dimension we do not usually notice in our busy lives. We may experience heart-warming moments when the patient flashes a smile at us, or when friends and relatives appreciate our effort. These are memories we can cherish and use to tide over days which don’t go that well.
When we are emotionally distressed by the caregiving work, or fatigued, or when we feel isolated, and when people around us ignore us, take us for granted, or criticize us instead of appreciating us –at such times, we can think of the fulfilling moments we have experienced. We can remind ourselves that caring for people is important. Definitely, we would like to be cared for when we need it, as will every person we know. We are multi-faceted persons performing a very necessary role, the role of caring, and we can appreciate ourselves even if others do not.
See also….
Some relevant interviews on this site:
- A husband gives up his career and changes his lifestyle to become a caregiver:She would hold me for support.
- A daughter-in-law gives up her career to coordinate care: Caregiving challenges, trained ayahs, depression.
- Caregivers may be elderly spouses: A 78-year old caregiver speaks or teenaged children Thrust into caregiving at the age of fifteen.
Various caregivers have shared their experience of preparing for the caregiver role. Here are some examples:
- Bob deMarco, the caregiver behind the very successful site, Alzheimer’s Reading Room, shares his journey in his blog, along with tips and news and resources. He says,
When I finally learned that I was an Alzheimer’s caregiver; I realized I needed to define my role as a caregiver
and shares his “Metamorphosis of this Alzheimer’s Caregiver” as a two-part entry here and here.
- Swapna Kishore’s blog shares thoughts on the caregivers role in this post on learning for the caregiver role. Other entries describing a caregiver’s journey are here: Shifting roles in caregiving, if I could do it all over again, and Moving forward.
